Mental Jabber

How do I decieve this feeling and cheat on it and escape? What the hell have I done to any soul, creature, monster, machine etc. ever! Why can't I break through? I'm sick and tired of puking on this blog. I'm sick of being afaraid. I'm scared of fading out. I hate the fade out effect in Powerpoint. Why does my keyboard suck? Why is the world moving so fast? Why do I get nightmares at night? Why do I lose so often? Where will they bury me? How many flowers will they keep on my graveyard? Why do I feel scared to break the rules? Where am I headed? When will I stop expecting a miracle to happen? Why is this phase of passive suspension in time in my share? Why are the days so long? When will I stop struggling? :( :( :( :(